My friends, they love my intelligence
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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