So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
