Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
