WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
