It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
