I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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