He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was born a porn star she said
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
