The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
