it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
