Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
