I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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