Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
