i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
