ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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