i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
