you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
