You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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