Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
