happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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