i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
