Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
