dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
