So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
