Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize