everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
