I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
