you mean i was at the winter classic?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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