Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize