he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
