Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
