i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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