We won't sleep together?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize