Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
