Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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