I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
