life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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