i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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