I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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