so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
