If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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