im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
