i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
