oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
