I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
