John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
