then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
