My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
