I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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