Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
