When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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