bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
