is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
