a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
