I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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