Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you would pick up someone in the library
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
