come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
