i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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