But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
