I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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