I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
