apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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