I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
