its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we should paint friendship bongs
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