Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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