alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
