Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize