Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
NoShamevember. You game?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize