hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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