This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
