my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
