I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
