Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh god it's open bar.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
