best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
