And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
