why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
