she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
