I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
