He uses pillows to masturbate.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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