and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
