I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
