So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
