i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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